


'Til Death do us Part

by AvariciousAmbitions



Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: I am why we can't have nice things, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, POV First Person, Stalking, big surprise it's another dark fic, boys can be yandere too right?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29427723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvariciousAmbitions/pseuds/AvariciousAmbitions
Summary: "They make it sound so wonderful in the stories. Love at first sight. Soulmates. That warm glow in your heart when you see the person you were always meant to be with. They never tell you how much it hurts."
Relationships: Matteusz Andrzejewski/Charlie Smith
Kudos: 4





	'Til Death do us Part

**Author's Note:**

> Did I abandon my account for almost a year? Yep. Am I coming back with another dark and edgy fic? Yep. Am I sorry about it? Well, I'll get back to you on that one.
> 
> Welcome back to the dark side of the Class fandom. It's literally just me and my decaying brain.
> 
> Because were you really an edgy pre-teen if you never had a yandere obsession?

_ Monday, 5th September 2016 _

I think I'm in love. I told myself this wouldn't happen again, not after last time. But I just couldn't help it. We don't get to choose, do we? Love just happens. We can't control it. And even if we could, I'd still choose him.

I knew it as soon as I walked into class. I thought I was early. I like to be the first one there so I can find the best seat. But I'm glad I was late because he looked right at me. Me, of all people. It was only for a second, just one little moment in time, but it was enough. Because now I know.

God, he's so beautiful. Everything about him. His hair, his eyes, his smile. Especially his smile. He smiles a lot. Like someone discovering the world for the first time. I wish I could take that smile and keep it forever. Just for me. Even his name is beautiful. Charlie. Short for Charles. Charles Smith. I could say that name all day. I could write it again and again until my fingers wear down to the bone. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Even my name sounds better with his next to it. Charlie and Matteusz. Matteusz and Charlie. No matter which way round you put it, he makes it beautiful. Nothing is ever beautiful with me around it.

They make it sound so wonderful in the stories. Love at first sight. Soulmates. That warm glow in your heart when you see the person you were always meant to be with. They never tell you how much it hurts. It burns you from the inside out. Eating away at you. Like a poison in your stomach or a sickness in your head. It isn't my only sickness, I know that too well. Father never lets me forget. But this is a sickness that's only hurting me. Because I know this is love. This isn't like those other times. I love him. I want to scream it as loud as I can. I love him, I love him, I love him. But he doesn't even know me. That's why it always hurts. I fall so quickly and they're never there in time to catch me. People say that bad things happen when I fall in love. But I won't believe them. Not this time. This time is different.

Tomorrow I will speak to him. I'll make him know me. I want to hear him say my name. I want to hear him say anything. No matter what it is, I'll listen. I'd do anything for him. Because that's what love is.

* * *

_ Tuesday, 6th September 2016 _

It turns out he's so much more than a beautiful face.

I knew, of course. He had to be. But no amount of preparation can ever make you ready for reality. Because behind that beautiful face is a beautiful voice. And a beautiful mind. I bet his soul is beautiful too. If I ever get to see it.

But he spoke to me. He actually spoke to me. And not just because he had to. Because he wanted to. Even after he gave me his pen. I still have ink stains on me from snapping mine, but those will wash out soon. At least the cut has stopped bleeding.

I think he wants to spend more time with me. He says that we might eat lunch together sometime. Ok, he said there would be other people too. He made other new friends, I think. Of course he did. Someone like him wouldn't have any trouble finding people to talk to. And it's not like they could be anything more than that. Not yet, anyway. I'm not going to let anything tear us apart so soon. I don't think I could cope.

Tomorrow we will talk again. And properly, this time. Like friends do. And maybe I will meet his other friends. If I know what kind of people he likes, I can make sure I'm perfect for him. In fact, there's so much more I need to know about him. I can't just wait for him to tell me. These things are too important. What if he already decides he doesn't want me before I can change for him? No. There are other ways of learning about him. And I will find them.

* * *

_ Wednesday, 7th September 2016 _

There are many, many people online called Charlie Smith. I'm not surprised. It's a very common name. Beautiful on him, though. It didn't take long to find him. He already has people from school on his profile. I don't know if this happens often for new students. It never happened for me. But none of them matter. None of them are good enough for him.

He has very few photos. Something must have happened to him, something bad enough to make him move all the way to London. I know he had to have deleted them. His profiles have been up for a long time. Enough to make it weird that he has no photos on them. Maybe it's true that he lives with our physics teacher.

There are ways I can find out. Things are never gone from the internet. There would be ways to see all his old posts if I wanted to. But not yet. I will ask him first. When he trusts me enough, as his best and closest friend. And if he doesn't tell me himself, then I will find out in my own way. I don't want to betray him like that if I don't have to, but sometimes these things can't be helped. There are some things I just have to have. I won't let anyone tell me no. Mother would call me disobedient. Father would call me hateful. What will Charlie call me? 

But there was more. I almost forgot. The talking. Sitting together at lunch. Him and his other friends. I do not know what to think of them yet. Tanya is too young for him. She's only 14, still a child, so she doesn't matter. Ram doesn't even seem to like him. I don't know why he's even here. He acts like he hates everyone, especially me. I'm used to that. He doesn't matter either. But April. April is different. She's pretty in an ordinary sort of way. None of her features are inhumanly beautiful. Not like Charlie. But they're nice features. They fit her well. And she seems like a nice person, too. I think she may be the reason the others all stick around. Like she's a magnet pulling them all in. I wonder what the opposite of a magnet is. That is what I would be.

I will keep an eye on April. There's something about her. Something I don't trust. She's too nice to Charlie. Or maybe that's just how nice people are. I would not know either way. But I'll watch her. Watch her like I'm watching Charlie. Only different. Because I'm not in love with April

* * *

_ Thursday, 8th September 2016 _

He touched me. Touched me for real. With his hands. His bare skin against mine. Only for a moment, only by accident. But I've never felt something so wonderful in all my life. Like a bolt of lightning went between us. Like he was bringing me to life. All when our hands brushed together.

We were alone, too. The first time the others all had lessons without us. We went to the library. I helped him pick out books for a physics test. And that's when it happened. We reached for the book together and, just like that, he touched my hand. 

I wish he knew how much that meant to me. I wish I could tell him. There are so many things I want to tell him. I want him to know how much I love him. I want him to know that I'd die without him. That he's my reason for living. The oxygen I breathe. I want to tell him all the things I want to do to him. And all the things I'll let him do to me. But I can't. I know what happens when things move too fast. People get scared. When I tell them things too soon, it's like they're seeing inside my head. They see the kind of person I really am. It frightens them, the same way it frightens Mother and Father and Babcia and everyone else who gets too close. I will not frighten Charlie. I will not lose him. Everyone else, all those other people I loved and lost, they don't matter. The world doesn't matter. Only Charlie. And he can never know.

I still have his pen. Thinking about him touching me makes me hold it tighter. When I put the end of it between my teeth, I think about how many times he touched this pen. It's almost like kissing him. I never bite pens, especially not someone else's. But thinking about Charlie does things to me that I don't understand. Just like I never understood them when they happened before. All I can do is know that they're there. Like monsters under the bed. You don't want to look down and see them because you know you'll never sleep again. You just have to accept them. Live with them. Make them your monsters.

One day I will touch more than his hands. One day I will have more than a pen as a token of him. I can do all the things to him that I lie awake thinking about. He'll be mine and I'll be his. Forever and ever.

* * *

_ Friday, 9th September 2016 _

She likes him.

I knew this would happen. I warned myself. I told myself not to trust her. But I didn't listen. I never follow my own advice. And now she wants to take him from me.

I heard her say it before class. She was talking to some other girl. It might have been Tanya, I don't know. All other people in the world are the same to me. But either way, I heard her say the words. She said them in a whisper, like it was some sort of secret. She likes him. She didn't even call him by his name. She called him 'the new boy' like he's just some ordinary person. Like she has the right to even think about him. She doesn't know. She has no idea that he's mine. But she should have known better. 

It hurts so much. This is more than a fire. More than a sickness. This is Hell. I want to scream just thinking about it. My blood feels like molten steel, scolding me from the inside. If I'm not careful, I'm going to hit something again. At least, I think I hit something. I don't really remember. After hearing her say that about Charlie,  _ my  _ Charlie, everything seemed to blur together. All I know is that eventually I was standing in the bathroom by a broken mirror. I don't think anyone knows it was me. At least I got all the glass out of my knuckles.

Every time I think about it I start burning all over again. The only way to keep it all inside is to promise myself that I won't let it happen. There's still time. She hasn't told him yet. When I took her phone I didn't see any texts to him. Not even one. And she thinks she has the right to love him. But this is good. It means she isn't really in the way yet. Maybe it'll stay that way. Apparently some people don't like the thought of confessing their love to someone. She could be one of those people. Because she's just so nice. I don't want to hate her. On top of everything else, it might just hurt more.

I will not think about April. Only Charlie. If I focus on him, he might love me before April has a chance to ruin it all. I don't want it to go wrong so soon. I don't want the things Father says about me to be true all over again. I will be different. For Charlie.

* * *

_ Monday, 12th September 2016 _

He has a very nice house. I watched it for a while after school, just far enough away that no one would ever know. I thought that, maybe, I would see Miss Quill coming home. If she even lives there with him. Who does he live with? Who are his parents? Maybe he doesn't have any and that's why he moved all this way. If that's the case then I would call him lucky. I would give anything for my parents to go away. And I think they know that.

I couldn't stay for long. I didn't want him to see me. We had such a nice talk today when the others were gone and I can't bring myself to ruin that. He wants to know about the prom. I hate that they call it that. It's not a real prom. I've been to a real prom and they're always in the summer. And never for our year. But he said April insisted. April. Stupid, ignorant April. Why won't she stay away? 

I will ask Charlie to the prom. Only as friends, for now. This is something people do. I have to ask him before the others can get their claws in him and rip him apart. We will go together and then he will see. I will wear the nicest thing I have and be kinder to him than anyone else could ever be. Maybe we can dance together. That would be wonderful. Like something from a dream. Then he will love me. He has to.

* * *

_ Tuesday, 13th September 2016 _

Why does she have to be so nice? Why can't she be cruel or spiteful or selfish? It would make it so much easier to hate her. But she's just nice. A nice person who wants nice things from other nice people. Maybe she thinks I am nice too and that's why she came to me. If she knew better she would stay away. I guess she doesn't.

She wants me to talk to Charlie for her. I know enough about other people to know what 'talking to someone' means. She's afraid to do it herself and apparently I'm the best person to do it for her. I can see why she might make that mistake. Tanya is 14. The kind of child that thinks she knows so much more than everyone else when really she's exactly the same. And Ram is something else. He's Ram. That is the only way I can describe it.

Thinking about it makes me sick. About April and Charlie talking together. About him smiling for her. Laughing with her. Touching her. It makes me want to slam my head into a wall. To claw at my skin until it bleeds. He is not hers to love. 

How can she think I would ever do that for her? I do not want to be cruel. I want her to treat me like everybody else does. Like a thing that doesn't really exist. I can cope when that happens. I don't need them. They can go about their days and leave me here. Leave me to choke on my own anger. Let the jealousy and the hatred and the pain turn my insides rotten. I only need one thing in this world and she wants to take it from me.

Sometimes I can't see properly. The world starts to go grey and hazy and suddenly it's like I'm somewhere else. Everything goes away. Only the fire is left. And it burns me away piece by piece. All I can do when it happens is find a quiet place to curl up and cry. Usually that would be here, in my bedroom. With Mother and Father listening downstairs. I lie on the floor and wait for the tears to go away. Staring under the bed. Wondering if I'll see what's down there in the dark. 

I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be the broken boy who flinches whenever someone talks too loudly. I want to be whole again. To be like everyone else. I try so hard. Every time another one leaves me I try to stitch myself back together. To replace the parts of me they tore out. But the seams always show through. And once something is broken, it's all too easy to break it again. 

I will not think about this. I promised myself this would not happen again. I will think of Charlie. Sweet, beautiful, perfect Charlie. I will be different for him. He will heal me.

* * *

_ Wednesday, 14th September 2016 _

I can't remember the last time I had a normal day. It can't have been too long ago. We haven't been back at school for much more than a week. But it feels like forever. Falling in love makes time seem so slow. 

I told April the best lie I could. I told her that Charlie has too much on his mind to think about love. I think she believed it. It might even be true. After everything that happened to him, love must be the last thing on his mind. I do not know for certain. The things I've heard are only rumours whispered when they think no one else can hear. But they seem more or less like what I had thought the whole time. 

Poor Charlie. Grief does not suit him. It makes those beautiful eyes of his turn sad. The kind of sad that makes me want to start crying too. I wish I could make him happy. He deserves that much, at least. I don't know how to tell him that I would do anything for him. Anything at all, if it would let me see that smile again. A smile like the sun. So bright and warm. If it weren't for the cloud that hovers between us, the one that tries to steal the sun away from me, then I would never need to look away from him.

Talking to him today was like floating. He made me forget how much it hurts to be away from him. To think about other people's eyes on him. Or worse, for his eyes to be on somebody else. But that will never happen. He will never look any other way than mine and I will never have to be that person again. This normal day is the first in my new normal life. A life with Charlie Smith.

* * *

_ Thursday 15th September 2016 _

She asked him. She asked him. I do not have any more words than that. She asked him. How could she ask him? After everything I've done to keep her away. She still asked him. I told her that he didn't want her. I told her as kindly as I could. And she still asked him. This is why she came up with the prom. It has to be. It's all a plan to steal him from me. Because no one has a prom in autumn. But she doesn't care because all she wants is to take what's mine. She asked him. What did he say? I cannot think about anything else. What did he say to her? Have I lost him already? I'm going to scream. I'm going to be sick. I'm going to tear out every page I've written on and burn them. I can't even wait until I get home to write this. I have to write it now, in the middle of the day. It hurts. It hurts so much. 

I promised myself this wouldn't happen. I promised and I lied. I told myself that person was gone. No more love. No more falling for boys who will never love me back. Mother said it was wrong, that boys shouldn't like other boys, but I never believed her. How could it be wrong if it felt so right? But it doesn't feel right anymore. 

The others. The ones I did this to before. I can see them again. Their faces are scarred behind my eyelids. Burned into my mind. I remember all of their names and their voices and the way they stood between me and what was mine. But remembering hurts too. Every time this has happened I have felt the same thing. I tried to make myself stop. To tell myself that there's another way. And there  _ is  _ another way. There has to be. I do not want her to become one of those people. I don't want to see her face in my nightmares or hear her voice when I close my eyes. She deserves better.

I'm scared. It's happening again. A never-ending cycle. The monsters under my bed are crawling out and they all have the faces of all the people I've hurt. I can't do it again. It has to stop. Just like I told myself so many times. The world is spinning. My head feels like it's going to burst. Has my heart stopped beating? Or is it going so fast that I can't feel it? If my heart is even there anymore. If it hasn't rotted away with the rest of me. I can't go on like this. Make it stop. I want it to stop. Oh God, please make it stop.

No. Of course you won't.

You never listened to me before, did you? All those times I prayed. You never answered. Because you made me this way. You put this sickness in my head. You made me flawed so that you could see what I would do. Are you proud of me? Of the innocent boy you filled with all that anger and lust and envy, just to test him. What kind of God would do that?

I cannot break the cycle just yet. I will do it soon, just to spite you. But this is a pain I can't live with. You want me to suffer for my redemption. But I'm not going to let that happen. I will not stand by while she takes away the only thing I love. Because that is the cure I need. Love. He will love me and make me a better man. And that means doing what has to be done.

She takes a shortcut on her way home, I hear. Somewhere quiet. I'll take the scissors this time. Mother will hardly notice they're gone.

* * *

_ Friday, 16th September 2016 _

Once, when I was a little boy, I got sick. A bug, that was all. No one knew what did it. If it was just something going around or something in the food. But I was in bed for a week. I had a very bad fever, so bad that it was too painful to do much more than sleep. I imagine this is why I don't remember it much. But at the end of the week, just as my family were starting to worry, I was sick. Actually sick, I mean. Mother sat with me for almost two hours while I threw up what little food I had eaten. That, I do remember. They were horrible hours. The taste of bile in my throat, the pain from retching so hard. But after that, it was over. The sickness passed and the fever went away and I was healthy again. Like nothing ever happened.

What I mean by all this is, sometimes we have to go through horrible things before we can start to heal.

Charlie came up to me today. To me, out of everyone else he knows. I'm the one he chose. He asked me all the questions I thought he would. About where April might be. I told him exactly what he wanted to hear. That she is probably just ill. That she will be back soon. It hurt to lie to him. Not as much as it hurt to think about her taking him from me. But still, it hurt. We should not lie to the people we love. But this is different. This is to protect him.

The storm clouds are gone now. The fire has burned itself away. The monsters crawled back under the bed and I'll never see them again. Because I meant it when I said this time will be different. I will not rush things. I'll take my time. I'll let him move at his own pace and soon he will come to love me. He's already getting closer to it. He hugged me when he left to go to class. I could have stayed in his arms forever but, obviously, I had to let him go. This tragedy, when he finds out it is a tragedy, will bring us closer together. I will be the shoulder he cries on, the person that helps make all his pain go away. And I will never make him do anything he doesn't want to. I will be his perfect boyfriend. Anything he asks, anything at all, I'll do without hesitation. This is redemption. This is what it feels like to be good.

Tomorrow I will burn the clothes. The same place I used before will do. They never found anything then and they will not find anything now. No one can know. Only me. But that's ok. I can live with that as long as I have Charlie. He won't want to go to the prom, I don't think. So maybe I will offer to spend the time with him. To help make it a little less lonely. Just as friends, of course. He'll like that. That's how it happens in stories. Starting as friends and slowly becoming something more. I can't wait for that day, whenever it may come. And this time, nothing will come between us. No one will try to take him from me. If they do, they'll find out what happened to April.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's day everyone! Hopefully, this is the start of a lot more uploads from me. Maybe even some happy ones. Fingers crossed.


End file.
